Possession 1/09

Possession

You come
dark as the night
bright as the rising sun
looking to instigate, incubate
seeking and seeding psychic change
open up the mind gates
via spontaneous passion

and pose the question
framed in a memory
“I remember what you said got you to stop -
you said it was when it just wasn’t fun anymore.”

And you’re thinking, hoping
maybe this time you have finally arrived
at this realization for yourself,
that the last couple of times
were definitely not fun
that this shit is getting old
and you’re getting to old for this shit...

Possession is 4/5ths of the law.
Possession requires exorcism.
Possession is how tight
that complex holds you
till you negotiate
fighting and surrender.

Even though this has happened over and over
since the beginning of time
it’s still like the first fight between lovers.

Addiction is complex
complex is possession
Add- iction
the kind of adding that gives for a while
then takes away till you’re used up
not just empty but in soul debt

a complex mathematics
of self annihilation
then when it’s taken everything
or taken enough for now
enough again this time...

Not adding that thing
gives more and more.

Complex – exorcism
breaking the spell of possession
in the worst cases may take extreme measures.
Life as you know it may come to an end
but often by now it already has.

New shoots and leaves appear
poking up out of the shit pile
or the smoking embers.
That’s a fact of life,
as long as you are still alive
and not currently dying.

Sometimes it’s really simple
and sometimes quite mysterious.
It’s always the silver bullet of truth.

Perhaps it was the prayers of the old women, your ancestors
lighting votives every day for the stricken. For you.

It may become your own
obsessive prayers, new steps, new everything
using the opposite hand for all mundane tasks
brain retraining, rewiring, new habits
so when the head says “to the left my brotha’s to the left...”
well heeled feet go right this time.

Complex. A captivating entity
with its own protective defenses,
bent on keeping itself alive
mistaking itself for the real you,
and that part of you thinks it can only live
the way the complex spins it.

All can be going very well
and suddenly you are aware it has happened
realize you were just caught up
possessed by innocent invisibles-
a certain light of day
the smell in the air, the season
the way the forbidden lover
tilts their head and holds your gaze
the music, the jazz
entrainment, hypnosis...

we join engine and caboose
because now suddenly one plus one
makes no sense
and all that you’ve worked for
is instantly cut loose
till a part of you that’s seen it all before
remembers how it’s going to go
heart whispers “NO!”
and the ancient reptile at the lowest seat
in the back of the great theater
grumbles...mumbles “that’s enough...”

This wise old turtle speaks in low subtle tones
and that complex is always in a big hurry
wants what it wants
and what it wants
is always so urgent.

Part trickster extraordinaire -
may have even saved your ass before -
but the next thing you know
it’s loose in the hen house of your soul
and so good at distraction and ruse
smoke and mirrors obliterating
all concerns of any self deception
and concealing from you the theft
of your own golden eggs
and the old subtle wisdom
that you left in your haste
and keeps getting over on you
till some part of you realizes
that you’ve just been robbed
while you were mesmerized by the
I wants of that wily player
that is also you.

When trickster sleeps
as we all must do
well heeled feet having practiced
go right this time
to a safer place, a different space.

Meanwhile, that Complex feels
and acts like a disappointed
hundred some odd pound little kid
feels like its gonna fall apart
and for spite throws the full blown tantrum,
still wants what it wants right now
like the stubborn wayward child that it is.
It can’t let go, obsesses and won’t be redirected...

It hates those well heeled feet
It makes such a scene
that it’s hard not to get caught up in it,
and give in to it, to sooth
it’s seemingly inconsolable raging
only to find out that it settles right down
when given what it wants but the price we pay
for cheating ourselves out of real sustenance
is poison and emptiness – and so we love
our children and ourselves to death
and hope trickster will wake up soon
so we don’t have to see it or feel it
because we don’t know how else to do it.

The bad parent part of ourselves says hurtful things,
does violence to the beloved/wretched thing,
maybe tries to kill you off
but not have it really look that way
by failing to protect you
or setting up dangerous situations.
The good parent part still loves you,
knows that you’re just a child
and patiently contains those big scary feelings
and consistently redirects you
to do the next right thing:
take a nap, eat something healthy,
sweat at something constructive,
till the energy is spent,
makes you do your chores
and your homework
does their best to raise up
a well healed self.

So - while trickster sleeps or eats
or is otherwise enchanted with itself
the old reptile turtle parent part of yourself
annoyed but unphased
takes you by the hand or the scruff of the neck
to a meeting, to therapy, to a healthy friend
to a warm sunny rock
or if it’s raining,
takes shelter under a protective ledge
listening, watching, meditating
and eventually it shifts!

In the light, it’s alright again
and it’s like it never happened
like another life time
a different person, different planet.

The paradoxical truth is: that you –
even after all that you have fucked up
are worthy of life
of being conscious
that beauty does balance the ugly
that spring ends the winter
dawn ends the dark night
that love heals pain
the math gets simpler
you become more whole
more at peace
more alive -
then - you can keep it simpler.

Complexes fade with inattention
unwatered they dry up.
If you don’t enact the spell
you don’t call the complex into being.
If you find yourself already in it
just step back out
come out from behind the curtain,
leave the levers, smoke and mirrors
and admit who you really are.

The spell is the complex,
the child and the parent
are just the child and the parent.
Break the spell.

Water your heart and soul
let well heeled feet watch your steps
catch the lie, listen loud and wait
for the low slow cadences
of your own old wisdom
and really live before you die.